June 1976

HIGH GEAR

Page 9

BULLETIN

JULY FASHION

Bell-bottoms are back along with long hair. No more soggy cuffs! This summer's bells are high and dry. Save those bowties! You can now wear them on your shoes! Don't worry any longer about your open fly! Your modesty will be championed by at least three petticoats. This wardrobe is a creation of Pierre Cartoon of OMaha. $2,220.00.

OIL

You can cut down on Our country's dependence upon foreign crude oil by using less vaseline. Try apple butter!

DAD

BUSING

The high cost in energy of bar-hopping could be reduced significantly by bussing. Forced bussing from one bar to another would reduce crowding, and would provide a constant change of faces.

Our model, Bill Tlyka, is demonstrating how to wear the "Babylonian Thing." The waistband has no irritating elastic, strings or belt and is quite comfortable. It will not stay up, however, and must therefore be worn only while one is standing on one's head or lying on one's back. This item was made for Brooks Brothels from an old stocking $10.00

You'll be the "belle of the ball" in this evening apparel called, appropriately, "the fuzzy ball." This costume is only one of two existing, prompting the Dept. of Interior to declare King' Cong endangered. The outfit is not confining as is most gay clothing, and is a great way to conceal fat. One size fits all. It was designed and tailored by Round John Virgin Products Inc. $10,000.00

Model Andy Oaktree is sporting this season's craze: MILITANT DRAG! Andy's cowperson hat is by Tonka. 25c his rifle is by Matel. $1.00 His jacket is by Armee d'Salvation of Paris. 50c His kilt is by Cleveland Tent and Awning. $20.00 His spats and combat boots are by Sekshewel.

The "Roman Tunic" is modeled by Flavius. This onepiece is perfect for lounging around the house, especially if you live by yourself or have plenty of nerve. It can be had for one dinarius (if you are a Roman citizen).

KLEY

JUICE

Beware of electric ejaculators! Too much juice can be dangerous. Recently Stanley Schroeder was found electrocuted in his vegetarian commune after his friends noticed the smell of hotdogs in the air.

By John Kotehanger

Makin' goo-goo eyes

at you, Angelic young artist,

is it true,

that you wuz makin' goo-goo eyes at me, Too?

Or is it that

You are just

so damn innocent,

that you is just a boy,

lookin' for a friend?

You impress my macho

with talk of Kung-Fu

but I think that you wanna just

cover me with goo.

I couldn't ask,

I didn't know,

and neither did you Ask.

But your Goo-goo eyes

Can just tell me you're too good to be true.